Big Changes

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are" 

- Morgan, John Pierpont

Six months ago I was sick. I had chronic headaches, muscle aches, joint aches, asthma, sluggishness, depression, sleepiness. Even though I was accomplishing things throughout my day, I still did not have enough energy to do all of the things that were on my mind. I had to take naps everyday to try and keep up with my schedule, a schedule I just wanted to pack more on. The more I tried to pack onto my schedule, the worse my symptoms got. 

However six months ago I had no idea that I even had these symptoms. Many of them I had lived with for so long, I just forgot that they were there. My rheumatoid arthritis pains I had associated with athletic injuries. My chronic headaches I associated with a busy schedule. My asthma I associated with me just not being fit enough (hah I know that sounds really funny).

"When you expect things to happen -- strangely enough -- they do happen." 

 - Morgan, John Pierpont

Over the past few months I have been a long and life changing journey. After being diagnosed with RA, I became very much aware that I was sick.Western medication and all the pills did absolutely nothing. 

In fact, it wasn't until my previous post at the beginning of this month that I finally saw changes in myself. The past month I have strictly adhered to my diet. Actually I am not going to call it a diet. I am going to call it a lifestyle change. The dietary change in my life has made me, at least when I strictly adhere to it, symptom free. 

I cannot even begin to explain how good it feels to not wake up without a headache. To wake up feeling like I actually got sleep. To wake up and hit the ground running with no coffee, sugar, or traditional breakfast foods. To workout and not be able to breathe because the workout is friggin hard, not because my lungs are inflamed. To be full after a meal full of green vegetables. To be able to say "no" to a piece of chocolate (that is a huge amount of will power, folks).

Now only to I feel better, but I look better. I get compliments about how my skin glows. My co-workers tell me that I smile more. My athletes realize that I actually do have eyes in the back of my head and can see them slacking off! Also, I have not taken a mid afternoon nap since the beginning of May! On top of that, I have had so much energy that I have been able to work out 5-6 days a week, up to three times a day! Not only can I workout hard, but I am injury free and have enough patience to actually stretch, practice yoga, and work on mobility almost everyday. 

This routine has been something I have wanted to accomplish for years. And in the past few weeks is the first time in my life where I finally can, and am well enough to look in the mirror and see my changes! 

Look for yourself!

January 2013

June 2013

I also have hit a bunch of new PR's in crossfit...

March:

Power Clean: 135lbs

Clean+Jerk: 125lbs

Power Snatch: 105lbs

Back Squat: 135lbs

June:

Power Clean: 160lbs
Clean+Jerk: 145lbs
Power Snatch: 125lbs
Back Squat: 155bs

I know that it might seem crazy that I love to workout as much as I do. The fact is, that it is just really fun for me. I love comparing myself, being competitive, setting goals, and feeling confident. 

Now that I have found I can do all of the things I dream about, I am just extremely excited to keep continuing with my lifestyle change and see where this new light at the end of the tunnel will take me.

"Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther." 

- - Morgan, John Pierpont

Oh and one more thing...thank you all for your support! Since my last post, I have gotten some overwhelmingly awesome supporters. I felt a new drive to keep at it and now I have realized that I never want to turn back!

Food For Thought

The other day I heard very disheartening but very true statement: "In the United States we have a disease management system, not a health care system" This statement made me think about the fast food, candy, soda, alcohol and the millions of dollars companies will put into advertising these products.

 These products are all hurting us. They are all causing disease. And the worst part is, no one really cares.

When it comes to not caring, I am one to blame. I have a track record of auto-immune diseases, illness, and injury; receiving my first auto-immune diagnosis when I was 16. How did I get this way? Well I am probably genetically predisposed to some of it, especially how my body reacts to food. Random food sensitivities aside, my main problem is sugar. That's right I admit it. I am addicted to sugar and it is killing me slowly.

For the most part, I would really like to be following my diet plan to a T. But sometimes it is just too hard.  Not only are the billions of dollars of food marketing weighing down on my unfulfilled stomach, so are broke college kid problems and societal pressures.

I may not go for that McDonalds burger that looks so good on the 10 billboards I just passed on the highway, but I could sure go for those skittles that are sitting right at the counter when paying for my gas.

With all of these pressures weighing down on me, it is very hard to keep a strict diet at all times. Even now that I understand the health risks and see a nutritionist, I only half-heartedly am following my diet plan. This is difficult because when I slip and eat badly, I feel badly and my symptoms come back. Then I just get frustrated because I did all of that strict diet work for nothing. THEN my friends and family think that I am frustrated at them, when really I just feel like crap again. So they will all go out without me because they feel that is the best way to go about things.

Actually as I write this, most of my friends are out at bars or eating fancy dinners. They will come home and they will tell me all about the fun that they had, wishing that I come and join them. This is the absolute worst. These people that are so close to me have no idea how badly I want to join them. I even do go out sometimes, letting my diet slip and then feeling shitty for a few days after. But no one understands how I really feel. So jokes are made about how I diet and how "I'm in good enough shape so it must just be all in my head".

Unfortunately this cycle starts and restarts over and over. It has been a constant battle of mine for the past year, and it is time for me to take a stand and stop it.

I need to somehow stop this cycle. Right now I am 20, and at the end on the summer I will be 21. I am currently taking 7 pills a day to manage my diseases. 7 pills at the age of 20......that scares the shit out of me! Where will I be at 30? 40? Will I even live to old age? Will I be well? Will I be happy??

Unfortunately these questions are ones that I feel like many of Americans are asking themselves. They have the same pressures and do not know where to turn for help.

Somehow I need to get away from this backwards health care system in the United States. I need to put my foot down and be strict with this diet stuff. Because in reality, it is the only light I can see at the end of my tunnel. If I want a drug-free life that I can live fully for years to come, I need to do this.

But in order for me to do this, I need some help. I need some self confidence in my ability to get better. In order to do that, I need to have friends and family that will fully support this change. Right now I don't feel fully supported, and it is extremely difficult for me to go about this diet without the fear of losing great relationships with people. I know that many others who have been dealt the same hand as me feel the same way.

So please, if you know someone who is trying to make a lifestyle change, give them your support. 

Even just confident statements and reassuring that you are behind them 100% are enough to keep them on the right track. I know that is all that I am looking for. No matter what it takes, I am still going to fight on. I am going to try my best to stay away from the pressures and to be fully committed to making my lifestyle health change.

A Whole New Chapter Is Being Written

When I first began this blog, I never expected to write a new chapter. I saw myself as an up and coming professional climber and I saw this continuing throughout my life. I saw world cups, high rankings, breaking into the double digits of bouldering, and traveling. Every climbers dream. To be completely truthful, I still want to continue that chapter. 

There is about to be a whole new chapter in the life of Melissa. 

My last post was filled with questions. So many questions. And now, finally, I have an answer. A valid answer. An answer that makes sense. 

A couple of weeks ago a saw a rheumatologist. Just a week ago I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. RA is an auto-immune disease where your body attacks joints and organs, causing inflammation. Other effects come with RA, including extreme bouts of fatigue. 

From what my doctor and I have observed, it seems that my RA is mainly in my finger joints and lungs. That is why it is so difficult for me to climb or do crossfit. The RA has also caused me to have chronic tenosynovitis in my ring and middle fingers.

This is the answer that I have been searching for. It answers all of my questions. But is it true?

25% of rhuematoid arthritis patients will have negative test results and it seems that I am part of that 25%. However all of my symptoms match up with RA. So only time will tell if this is the correct diagnosis.

My doctor is having me take a pulmonary function test to see if the difficulty breathing is associated with RA or asthma, or both. I have also been put on medication that is supposed to relive my symptoms for RA. I should begin to feel the effects of this medication within a couple of months. It will take about 6 months for me to feel the full effect of the medicinal therapy. 

So will I ever be able to climb? Will I ever be able to be the climber that I want to be? Only time will tell. My doctor seems confident that I will be able to climb again with no pain.

My biggest question that I had answered:

Why was I able to climb hard during the fall and some of the winter? There are two reasons:

One: I sustained constant activity with my fingers and lungs. I climbed every other day and I did crossfit enough to satisfy my RA. As soon as a took more than three days off, I was in so much pain. So by sustaining the constant activity, I helped relieve some of the symptoms. 

Two: Quite simply, I relapsed. The disease was in a lull, not affecting me as much. After a stressful event and some time off (Nationals and the post national week) it flared up worse than ever. 

So today is the start of a new chapter. I am waiting for time to tell me what is next. While I am waiting, I am keeping up with crossfit, climbing, lifting, stretching. Just keeping some consistency. If the doctors are correct, my pain will be relived soon. So soon. 

The Glass is Half Empty, But I See it Half Full

Burnout [burn-out] Noun

1. A fire that is totally destructive of something.

2. The termination of effective combustion in a rocket engine, due to exhaustion of

propellant.

3. The end of the powered portion of a rocket's flight.

4. The breakdown of a lamp, motor, or other electrical device due to the heat created by the current flowing through it.

Also, burnout: Fatigue, frustration, or apathy resulting from prolonged stress, 

overwork, or intense activity.

Whatever you would like to interpret it as, we all have experienced burnout. Maybe you have experienced it in the middle of climb; you just couldn't hold on any longer. Maybe you have experienced fatigue or soreness when you have not taken a rest day. Maybe you have experienced it at your job, where you just feel so stressed that you cannot work any longer. Or maybe you have experienced it like I have...where you wake up in the morning and feel like you have gotten absolutely no rest, where a 45lb bar feels like 150lbs, where your fingers hurt so bad from climbing the day before that you cannot even open a jar.

Yes, this amount of fatigue is what the word burnout means to me. I feel burnout like this much more often than most people. And why? Well, that is what I am trying you figure out.

You see, last year I took off 6 months from climbing because my fingers we in so much pain that they would give out when I tried to crimp. I searched for answers, seeing three different hand specialists that were ranked among the very best in Boston. All they could give me as an answer was chronic swelling with a side of rest, rest, and more rest. Which is fine because after that six months, I was able to climb again! And since then I have been making so much progress (slow and steady of course). I got to a point in my climbing where I felt confident enough to compete at the ABS National Championships (Feb 2013), which I did. And I felt pretty good about it because I have not been able to compete in awhile.

Unfortunately, I have not really been able to climb since Nationals. In fact, I felt so burnt out after, it took a whole 8 days for me to get out of bed and back on track with my life. But here is where things get interesting: I have had five, 8 day burnouts just like this in the last 10 months. I realized this just recently, and now I want answers.

I have been tracking my workout and dietary habits since June 2012. I decided to take a closer look at what I've been tracking after my nutritionist suggested I may have "endocrine burnout". Without even really realizing it, I would rest for exactly 8 days, workout for a month or so, have another 8 day rest, then have no such rest for 2 months. Then again I will have two months with 8 day rests, and 2 months without.

It's an odd pattern. Whats more odd, is on day 9 I feel like a completely different person. I feel great, alive. This is evident in my workouts as well. If I compare my crossfit and climbing workouts from the week before the burnout to the week after, I improve almost double! It's funny, I just thought I was tired from working out often. But to have a pattern like this so cut and clear, I feel that I need to investigate further.

So what am I going to do? Well the next step (unfortunately) is to take the rest of this season off from competitive climbing. My fingers are in pain just looking at climbing holds, so any climbing I do will just be for recreation (and my sanity). So far crossfit has not made any of my joints hurt, so I am going to continue with that.

Lastly, I am going to find some answers from professionals. I am now regularly seeing a nutritionist who has me eating gluten-free, cutting out nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, eggplant), and cutting out artificial sugars (my taste buds hate me for that). This should, in theory, reduce the inflammation in my body. I am also meeting with my endocrinologist and a rheumatologist. I have this creeping feeling that I may have rheumatoid arthritis, but the only way to know is if I see a specialist. I gotta thank my parents for the good health insurance they have me under to cover all of this.

I am really hoping that this helps. I'm young, I shouldn't have problems like these. At this point I just need answers. I don't like feeling burnt out, I don't like the fact that I cannot work to my full potential, and I absolutely hate the fact that I cannot climb hard.

Hopefully I will get answers...good ones. "Chronic tenosynovitis" does not cut it, especially if I cannot do the sport I love.

Burnout definition: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/burnout?s=t

Breaking Free Pt.2

Last night I was sitting in the Colorado Springs auditorium watching the ABS Open National Championships. As I sat and watched, I kept thinking about where I was last year at that time. Last year I was in Massachusetts with injured fingers that were splinted and elevating a broken ankle. I was watching Nationals off of Alex David Johnson's webcam live feed, that was such poor quality I could only see when the climber left the ground and when they fell back on the mats (however I do appreciate the effort!) As I watched off of this live feed, I felt miserable. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I didn't know if I could ever rock climb again. 

Last night I was helping judge the climbs, so I had a front row seat to see some inspiring rock climbers compete. USA Climbing also offered an amazing live feed thanks to Louder Than 11! I got many texts from team kids saying that I was on tv...lol. This weekend I had competed in both the Open Nationals and the Citizens Nationals. My body felt strong and my fingers held up through all of the climbing. I was enjoying myself so much that I almost forgot I was out of the scene for an entire season.

This weekend I tied for 26th in the ABS Open National Championships. There were 42 women total, possibly a record for USA Climbing, and they took 22 to semi finals. Honestly I am bummed that I did not make semis. But if I look at what I have been through the past year, I feel extremely proud to have competed. My fingers cannot hold up to training for climbing just yet. Yes, I can climb and I can climb in competitions without pain. But, my fingers are still not 100% and I have to be careful. I don't want to be injured again. 

Three points is what push me out of semis. Three holds. I know what holds I didn't grab and why. On problem #2, I got pumped before the lip. Lack of power endurance. On problem three I could not get past the 2nd hold, which was a bump move from one crimp to another on a 60 degree. Contact strength. These were the two things I could not train due to the condition of my fingers.

To be quite honest, I probably could have trained those things with tape considering I have been climbing off and on with no tape for the past month. But I was afraid that if I did train, the health of my pulleys would drastically decline to where it was last year. I never want to feel the pain of not only trying to climb as my fingers give out, and the pain of not being able to be on the climbing scene. This recovery process would turn into injury again and I don't want that. I would take the 26th place over my goal of top 10 again if it meant that my fingers would be healthy. 

Overall the climbs were extremely fun and I was able to use a lot of the tactics I learned over the Pro Training Camp to help my overall performance. I also competed in the Citizens National yesterday, placing 3rd in the open below Francesca Metcalf (2nd) and Tiffany Hensley (1st). This was an extremely fun experience and again tested what my fingers are capable of at the moment. I feel that I could have pushed and won 2nd, however my fingers began to feel sore after 2 hours of climbing. So I stopped. Either way, this was an amazing experience and it was fun to compete with a few of my competitors from the Open. 

Being in Colorado and having this opportunity to compete again is pretty emotional for me. It is awesome, it is frustrating. But I get to spend my time with some pretty great people and I look forward to the rest of my week in Colorado. Being here and never giving up is what it means to be breaking free.

Shoutout to Kris Peters, Kati Peters, Alex Johnson, and Josh Brown for opening up their home to me! Much appreciated and I'm psyched to be here with you guys!

Breaking Free pt.1

I have not posted in awhile, which is a huge bummer because I have so much that I want to talk about! I have been extremely busy the past couple of months and it looks like there will be no slowing down! However I am going to update this blog a couple of times per week to catch everyone up with what I have been up to.


Before I go into what I have been doing the past couple of months, I just want to take a moment to reflect on this past year. Last year at this time I was not climbing. My fingers were in so much pain from tendovaginitis that I could not even open a door without whimpering. I would feel pain constantly whether I was moving my fingers or not. I also was in a boot from breaking my ankle while walking (yes I said walking, laugh all you want...okay stop). Not only was I injured, but I was just not satisfied with my life. I was very unhappy and things needed to change.

Six months later(Summer 2012), I had decided to make a lot of changes to my life. I began to step out of my box, which used to consist of just climbing...literally. My life revolved around climbing and that needed to stop. It needed to stop because I was limiting my happiness, my abilities, my health, and just myself in general. I also feared (and still fear) that my fingers will never allow me to climb at the level I dream of being at.

So I began to do crossfit. I started spending more time with people who did not climb, started running, started using rehab techniques such as foam rolling to increase my recovery, started paleo, started to study more in depth exercise science, and really started to enjoy the world and things around me.

Now I am what I think is the most happy I have been in my entire life. I am very fit, but that is not my main focus. I can climb again, but that is not my main focus either. Being able to experience crossfit competitions, climbing competitions, attend a pro climbing camp, study to become a certified personal trainer, coach, meet new people, and also recover from this injury are things that are making me thoroughly happy. Also, I have not had an injury in over six months! This is HUGE for me! To be able to maintain such a physical lifestyle and be healthy means the world to me. 

I would like to share some of my recent accomplishments with you. I am excited to keep progressing with climbing, crossfit, and my recovery! Hopefully I will be able to show better PR's, better photos, and even better recovery news in the future!

- This is a photo of me comparing what I looked like in January 2012 (Left) to how I look in January 2013 (Right). The left photo was taken a little after I had gotten injured, but I felt as if I was in the best shape of my life. I feel really proud of myself when I look at the right photo. I have been working hard to become fit, and I love to see my results!

- Two weeks ago marked the first day I climbed with no tape since I began me recovery process in June 2012. Not only did I climb with no tape, but I bouldered all of the problems v6-v8 in our gym. I also spent time projecting v9's. That was the first true sign that my fingers are recovering. I have been climbing with and without tape since then, depending on how I feel. I don't want to push it. I am still recovering. I feel that I have not reached full recovery yet, but I will eventually. I am hoping that when I reach full recovery, however far away that will be, I will do amazing things with climbing.


-Three weeks ago I got a new PR on my deadlift. I deadlifted 305, and that was all of the weight we had in the climbing gym (The weight set is actually 295; we had to tie a 10lb weight to the barbell to break 305).

- Four weeks ago I attended a pro climbing camp held by Chris Danielson and Tonde Kaito at Earth Treks. It was the most amazing experience and I feel honored to have been invited. More info on this in my next blog post!!

Photo By: Emily Varisco

Photo by: Emily Varisco

The Crew! - Photo by: Tonde Kaito

...To be continued.

(Final)ly is Over!

So this past Saturday was Dark Horse #3. Everyone was super stoked and excited to come fly in for this competition...which was stacked in both womens and mens! Even I was stoked for this comp! But unfortunately, finals week sucked out my soul.

You laugh, but literally I could not even climb a v4 on Saturday. It was horrible! I wound up withdrawing from the competition, which I have never done, even when I'm injured. I figured it was pointless to keep climbing because I am so susceptible to injury. Why beat myself down more when my body was already beaten down by 3 all nighters and some horrible tests? So instead of competing, I cheered on my friends and got some great tacos with Natasha Barnes and Steve Briggs.

Even though I didn't do well on Saturday, I would like to give myself props for such a horrendous semester. But seriously, my schedule was insane. Not only did I coach 5-6 days a week, I took 17 credits, trained for crossfit, trained for climbing, and had some time do some competitions and a paleo challenge.

Here's a little look at what my schedule was like...

6:45am- Wake up, shower, eat, and all that good stuff in between
7:35-8:50am- Anatomy+Physiology lecture....aka nap because it was 7 friggin 30 am
9:00-11:00am- Crossfit (or homework because we all know that got done over the weekend)
11-11:30am- Drive to other campus
11:30-12:20pm- Fitness for life...aka doodling fat people as my notes (yes 'as' them)
12:30-1pm- Lunch
1-2:50pm- Kinesiology Lab
3-4pm- Drive to work and potentially take a quick nap in my car
4-7pm- Coach
7:15-9pm- Climb
9:30-10pm- Make Food, unless I ate dinner before climbing
10:30- Bed

...and that was my Monday! woo what a great start to a week...........unfortunately just about everyday looked like this.

Despite the fact that my schedule was hectic, I still accomplished so many things! And I did fairly well in my classes. I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish...but I will never have a schedule like this again...ever. Cheers to a month off and a spring semester full of advanced personal training, art, sport skill classes, and rock climbing competitions!

I also have gained some pretty cool strengths this past semester. Below are some recent strengths I have developed in the past 3 months. Enjoy!