Awareness

As my last year of being in the teens is climbing to a close, I'd like to reflect on this year. Looking back, this year has been, to put it lightly, a total shit show. I began the year with a heart procedure to get rid of my SVT, endured some tendonitis and ended up taking a full six months off from climbing for tenosynovitis in my ring fingers. Not only that, but I had other responsibilities such as going to school full time and coaching two climbing teams. Oh, and I broke my ankle walking...that one was harsh Mother Nature.

I can sit here and complain about this whole year and how horrible my luck has been, but I am not going to do that. I will not do that because, simply put, this year was not so horrible. I had the most incredible learning experiences and would never have the knowledge I have right now if it was not for this year. Being able to feel the loss of climbing, feel the stress of full time school, teach while my climbing was impaired, and endure whatever else was thrown at me, has taught me some huge life lessons.

One of these lessons is that I am actually good at climbing. Not only am I good at climbing, but I have a good understanding of how the muscles respond to training and training in general. I understand how it feels to be injured and out of the game, which is huge when relating to others. Especially to others that I coach. I also am a very good goal setter. I have been able to achieve every goal I have written down since I decided to seriously train for climbing back in 2010. That excludes this past season of competition goals because of injury. But those goals are now for 2013.

But that is not the biggest thing I learned. The biggest thing I learned is how to be aware of my body. Not only how my body responds to training, but when my body needs rest. I've learned how to be more health conscious and what/how much food to eat. I've learned that even the slightest mistake could ruin my chances of recovery. I've even been more conscious of my stress levels and mental psyche. All of this is such a powerful tool I've never tapped into before! I am now learning when it is good to listen to my body instead of pushing through pain and unmotivation.

Knowing how to be aware also comes with difficult decisions. One of these decisions is whether or not I go to the SBC Pro competition at the end of September. I am financially stable enough to go and I have the ability to climb hard enough to compete. So why not, right? Well the fact is I am still recovering and it would totally suck to mess that whole thing up. But the real question is: Can I give up if I feel pain? Maybe that is an easy "yes" for most people, but that is actually a very difficult question for me to answer. I have been thinking about this question for a couple of weeks now...and I'm not sure if I can give up.

You see, I am what I consider an intense individual. I give 110% every time, no matter what it is. But I especially give my all when it is a competition. I just love to compete and I know that I am also pretty stubborn. I mean, I had an SVT attack during the qualifying round of the 2011 National Championships and I kept climbing...for 4 more climbs. Then I had to go to the hospital. In retrospect, it was a great decision because I was able to qualify for the Vail World Cup. But my heart did not require a prolonged rest period. I even competed at the Nor'Easter four days after having my heart procedure! But my fingers do need rest and if I am able to take myself out of the competiton completely, I will not get injured. I'll have nothing to "give my all" for.

So that is my biggest decision at the moment and I have to make that decision within the next few days. But looking at my future goals, I want to do well at Nationals. If I rest/recover now and spend my time practicing my awareness, I will crush in 2013. There will always be more competitions and more opportunities for me to succeed. I want to win someday and I cannot do that if I am plagued with injuries. So I'll keep you all posted!

Also, here is a photo update of my climbing/crossfit training. Not much difference from the last considering it has only been a month, but I can tell that my chest is more toned.

Summer Recovery

The last time I posted on this blog, I had briefly talked out my plans for getting physically fit. I am happy to say that I have had a lot of progress! I am also excited to say that I have had NO PAIN while climbing!! This is such a huge step for me!

Climbing has not been the only thing I have had progress in either. Six weeks ago I could just barley run a mile at 5mph. Now, with the help of an inhaler, I can run three miles at 6mph. Now that I feel that I can actually run well, I am starting to like it. I run a lot in crossfit and I also run through the side streets and park near my apartment. I can tell that my midline is getting thinner and I am pretty excited. Not that I need to lose weight, but it is nice to have a less bulky build. I feel lighter and more healthy.

I also said before that I was going to start crossfit. I took what is called an "on-ramp" class, where we learn different lifts and workouts required of us. So far I have been doing crossfit for five weeks, three days per week. I can already tell that my body is getting stronger. The first day after our on ramp was over, a staff member moved me from their "below beginner" level to their "advanced" level. I'm psyched because my workouts include more complicated lifts, chest to bar pull ups, and handstand pushups! It is nice to have a challenge that is not climbing. I feel that crossfit is another outlet for me and can help my competitive climbing. Ultimately with crossfit, I think that my body will be in a more balanced physical state which will help both my climbing and mental state.

I have also made large strides in changing my diet. I am trying to eat three balanced meals a day with fruits/veggies mixed in as snacks. So far, my only issue is cutting down on dark chocolate and frozen yogurt. Those sweets are my vice and when I get stressed I tend to eat a lot of it! However so far I have been pretty good (we'll see how that goes on my vacation next week). 

With all of this progress in my life, I feel pretty good! Actually, I feel much happier than I have in the past nine months or so. It is nice because I now have some outlets that are challenging for me. Since I am doing all of these things, I am trying to document all of my progress. Along with this blog, I keep a workout calendar and two journals. I also document photo and take video of me climbing so that I can see my progress. I think that most of my problems stemmed from the fact that I could not see that I was progressing in the sport.
Below is a pretty interesting photo I put together showing my physique change in the past seven months. My shoulders have definitely shrunk, but now I look a little slimmer.

Last but not least, this is my climbing blog so I do want to talk a little about my climbing progress. As I said I have been documenting my progress on video. Six weeks ago I was getting pumped out at the end of a 5.10. Now I am making good progress on a (finger friendly) 5.12d circuit that we have up in our training room. Not only that, but I have flashed a couple v6's and got to the last clip on a 5.12 second go! But that is not the best part: I have NO PAIN. I can't even believe it. I don't even have pain the next day! Even still, I am trying to take it easy. I am only climbing twice a week and the last time I climbed was July 1st. I am also taping my fingers. I really do not want another injury, especially while I am trying to recover.

Below is a link to my climbing video documentation. I can see my progress through the weeks and I welcome you to check it out as well. I am psyched to see what the rest of the summer holds for me!!

Video Progress

True Inspiration

Exactly a year ago, I was in a hotel room in Vail, Colorado anticipating the qualifying round of the Vail World Cup that would take place in the morning. I was the third youngest female competing. I had skipped my high school graduation to go to Vail saying, "I have to go; what if I never have the chance again?" However in reality I felt like this was the beginning to my professional climbing career. I envisioned myself competing in world cups for years to come.

Unfortunately, I did not foresee a finger injury lasting six months and counting. These past six months have been the most physical, mental, and emotional taxing months that I have ever endured in my entire life. Transitioning from high school to college, moving in an out of multiple places, having minor heart surgery, sinus infections, a broken ankle, having my car constantly break down, and getting asthma attacks have not been helping my non-climbing experience. Through this time period, I felt like I had reached a breaking point and then just kept drifting away. I became so broken down that I felt like I was stuck and could never pick myself up. Things like reading climbing books, doing p90x, eating right, and just being fit in general didn't seem appealing anymore. I felt pretty depressed for few months. Although recently I have realized something: These past six months I would not trade for the world.

You are probably thinking why? All of that sounds pretty shitty. But through this time I have learned more about myself than I ever would have if I had kept climbing. Becoming a pessimist and hating the world is something that I just needed to experience. I needed to realize who I really am and why climbing means so much to me. Even though these past several months have been terrible, I recently have had the time to rest from most of my stressors. These past couple of weeks has let me reflect on these months. Turning my optimism back on, I have realized that life has become truly inspiring.

This "true inspiration" I am talking about is not just my life, but life as a whole. I have had the chance to talk to people who have gone through things that I feel are much worse than what I am going through. With this time I have had the chance to experience intense emotions, which really can change a perspective if you let it. I have been able to look at life in a more delicate manner and also look at my accomplishments. For the first time I am actually proud of all my climbing accomplishments instead of feeling that I am still not good enough. Through this time I have been able to look at myself and realize that I love competition and have an unwavering motivation to do something great. This motivation is what made me take this time to learn, appreciate life, and be inspired by it.

In recent news, I am still injured. I have started climbing jug hauls, which is great, but not satisfying. I have decided to broaden my fitness horizons. I recently began running, which is something I used to (and still sort of) hate. I also signed up for a 4 month crossfit membership. My crossfit training begins Monday. For the first time I am getting excited to try something physical that does not involve climbing! However I would love to try trad climbing this summer. So if anyone is in the New England area and wants a trad buddy, I will totally come! You will just have to teach me some stuff.

To conclude this lengthy blog post, I would like to thank my friends who have supported me through these past several months. If I had never taken the time off from climbing, I would not have become close with many of these people. I also hope that this blog post inspires someone to appreciate life. As much as I hate not climbing, my life really is something great and I feel that I have become a better person because of these past several months. And whether I am able to return to climbing or not, I will find something that I can strive to be the best in.

Bionic Fingers

It has been exactly 4 months since I stopped climbing. I have been to two specialists who have both diagnosed me with chronic tenosynovitis (inflammation of my tendon sheaths). I found out that the original clinical term for this was tendovaginitis...you can see why they decided to change the name. I asked the nurse why it was originally called that and she paused then said "Because when your tendon sheaths are swollen, they sort of fold together and are squishy"... Which also makes me wonder what doctor would ever make the conclusion that inflammation in the tendon sheath should be called tendovaginitis? ... Anyways the new name "tenosynovitis" comes from the word "synovial" as in the type of fluid that builds up in the tendon sheath. I guess if you want to change the original name, tenosynovitis is the second best....I may still call it tendovaginitis...

I have tried climbing only a couple of times since December and it all ends in pain. The first specialist I saw suggested I try massage therapy and acupuncture. The second doctor I saw specializes in inflammation disorders and tendon injuries. He suggested I wear coban, an elastic adhesive tape, and some plastic "pulley protectors". He thinks that by protecting the pulleys, the swelling in those areas will displace itself. I have to wear those things 24/7 for 8 weeks...then after that time period I can try climbing again. However I will have to wear the coban and plastic pulleys for many more months to come. So for now I am wearing these bionic finger protectors and I am going to try acupuncture in a few weeks.

These are my bionic fingers!

Fingers with coban

My plastic pulleys!

Day 3 of pulley protection...swelling gone down??

March Madness 2012

This weather is crazy! It has been 60-80 degrees for the past two weeks! However I am not so sure how I feel about this nice weather. The warmth and sunshine is great, yet I cannot climb in it. Such a bummer. But you know what I realized? I haven't climbed during the month of March for 4 years!!! This year I have crazy swollen fingers. Last year I tore a collateral ligament in my finger. The year before that I bruised my ulnar nerve (funny bone). The year before that year I had pneumonia! So insane! The month of March just does not like me.

Anyways, yesterday I picked up my camera and went to Lincoln Woods to take some shots. It felt great to get outside and also be around climbers. I shot all in manual for my first time yesterday. I think the shots turned out pretty good! I had to use photoshop to adjust the lighting in one picture. The rest were great and just needed a border. Look below!

Lincoln Woods

Gravity Hits v10

Mosquito Bite

Guide Book Reading

Pocket Rocket v8

Pocket rocket v8

Sunset

V7

Pocket Rocket v8

Gravity Hits v10

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Last week I got an MRI on my fingers. I got it read just a few days ago and it wasn't very good news. Apparently I have chronic inflammation of all the tendon sheaths in both of my hands. My ring fingers hurt when I crimp because of the pressure I am putting on those fingers while they are swollen. Unfortunately, I do not have a timeline for when this injury will end. There is also no cure other than rest. However I am going to try massage therapy and acupuncture. I am also going to get a 2nd and maybe even a 3rd opinion about my fingers. Maybe someone will have a good idea that may help me return back to climbing sooner than later!

Even though life is really difficult and dull without climbing, I am trying to do the best I can to be happy. I strongly believe that things get worse before they get better.

I also believe that the recovery process of an injury is the same as one dealing with a illness or death. Last year, I created a book in my AP studio art class that illustrated my perspective on dealing with a death of some sort. I looked at this book today and I feel that I am going through the same recovery process now. There are no words, but each pages describes a different phase of tragedy and recovery.

Below is the illustrated book I am referring to. I am not going to explain the pages because I feel that the recovery process should be associated with emotions, not words. Therefore, everyone should interpret the book as they see it. That is the best part about artwork!

3 Months and Coaching

So it has been about 3 months since I stopped climbing...with the exception of a few days of attempting V1's. I feel like a broken record right now. I am just blogging about injury after injury. I feel like it is kind of boring. I am injured, still. I have no clue when I will be able to climb again. Maybe June? September? Good news though: I got my air cast off!! Whoop!

But I am not going keep blogging about my injuries today.

Youth ABS Nationals is on Friday and I am SO PSYCHED!! I have been working really hard with the climbing team and I feel that our team is ready to go. The team kids have worked so hard for this weekend and I know that they will do well. I am so interested to see how they place in comparison to the rest of the nation. This weekend will be a big learning curve for my coaching. Just like every other competition, I can earn from the other competitors. I can learn from the other coaches, the rankings, the styles of the climbs, the climbers. I think that going to this competition will help me with both the training of the team and my own training.

Last year was my first year coaching and three of the team kids went to ABS Nationals. Two of the kids placed in the 20's and the other placed 11th. This year, there are four team members from Worcester, two from Hadley. It is not many, but considering how hard our division is, I am very proud. I think that because our divisional was so hard, these kids will do great. Not to mention the training and nationals training camp Shane, Josh and I have put them through.

Last summer, I went to Youth SCS Nationals and stayed with my friends Sydney and Tyson. Tyson really opened my eyes up to what successful team is: Very strong and supportive of one another. Their team camaraderie was unmatchable to the other teams at the event. All of the kids were so proud to be a part of Vertical World Climbing Team. They also supported one another and really acted like some sort of crazy family. These kids didn't have massive ego's either. In fact, they didn't have any egos at all from what I saw. They were just confident competitors who were there to have fun with their friends and family...and crush. 

Seeing the Vertical World Team made me think of what my team could become. I came back to coaching in the fall with a new attitude: helping the kids not only get good at climbing, but to help them become confident, respectable young adults. I tried hard to get the kids decked out in Team Ascension gear, to get them excited about being a part of the team. With the help of the other coaches, I think that we are able to accomplish that and much more. I look at our climbing team and just think, "Wow, I am really proud right now". I can see that these kids care about one another and about climbing. They care about rock climbing lifestyle, not just the competition.

To coach this team make the pain I feel from injury go away. This team is something that I had always wanted, but never had. They are a family-like support group for one another, just as they are teammates and fellow competitors. I feel so accomplished to be a part of building this team. To offer someone else something that I could only dream of is a really, really great feeling.


Honestly, I think this climbing team is one of the only things getting me through this hard time of injury. I am glad to be a coach and I am glad to be working with some of the most supportive people I have ever met. Through everything I have gone through in the past couple of years, I never thought that coaching would be this gratifying.

Team Ascension! (There are a few missing, but Optimus Prime is serving as their replacement)